By Steven Norris
Forgiveness. Most of us would probably agree that it is a good thing, but it’s not something that we look forward to offering. It is not what our culture typically teaches about dealing with conflict. We are more accustomed to the “fight or flight” response to resolve the inner tension.
The broader culture teaches us that when a wrong has occurred, our response should be to get justice, even the score, or seek revenge. It’s an ancient rule that goes back almost 4,000 years to the Code of Hammurabi: “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” Generally speaking, forgiveness is not natural, yet Jesus teaches us to pray “Forgive us as we forgive others.”
The vertical aspect of forgiveness (being forgiven by God) is directly connected to the horizontal aspect of our forgiveness (how we forgive others). What we have received, we are called to give. “Forgive us/release us/set us free so that we can forgive/release/set others free.”
The objections come so effortlessly: “I understand what you are saying, pastor, but so and so does not deserve to be forgiven. You don’t understand what he has done to me. You don’t know what she said behind my back.” In teaching us to forgive, Jesus is inviting us to exchange our notions of what we deserve (or what anyone else deserves) for an economy of grace.
Grace is one of those Christian words that sounds better in the abstract than in real life. I believe that one of the main reasons we struggle so much is that we have been trained from an early age to see the world as a meritocracy — the idea that people get ahead based on their accomplishments, skill, and hard work alone. Growing up, I was told, “An honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay.”
In the same way, a meritocracy teaches that someone should get what they deserve. How does the saying go? “Commit the crime, do the time.” If you hurt someone, there is a price to pay. We have a primal instinct that people should get their just desserts. It’s only fair! But grace isn’t faith — and that’s the rub.
Here is what God’s grace looks like: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). While we were still sinners… Did you catch that? Not, “once we felt guilty enough or remorseful enough or got cleaned up enough.” That is the kind of grace you have received. Therefore, go show that grace to others.
It seems to me that Jesus is ultimately teaching his disciples that forgiveness is more about the person doing the forgiving than it is about the person receiving the forgiveness. You’ve heard the old cliché: “resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The antidote to such poison is grace-filled forgiveness.
We forgive in order to unburden our souls in order that we may love God with all our heart, all our soul, all our mind, and all our strength. Forgiveness and grace are the only way to make such comprehensive love possible.